Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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