i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
