i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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