You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
