This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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