I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
