yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
