i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
