She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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