Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
