he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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