It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
