I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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