the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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