I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
