so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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