I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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