i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
