Girls should come with a carfax report
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
