I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
