Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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