PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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