I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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