Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
