I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
