you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
