how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Randomize
