lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
