Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
