Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
