apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
