I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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