So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
