Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
