My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
