There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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