the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
