my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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