she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
