I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
