oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
