what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
