I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
