I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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