I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
