Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
