I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
