Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
