its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
