I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
