just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
