P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
