Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
