then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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