woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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