Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
