I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
